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Thoughts on Weddings
Jul. 1st, 2008 06:34 amOne of my best friends from college, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sapphirerose24, got married this past weekend. Because of plane fare, hotel fare, car fare and gas costs, I couldn't afford to go back to Ohio to see her get married. She posted pictures, and later sent me a small rant.
You see, she didn't just get married. She had A Wedding. Yes, A Wedding, capitalized. Venue, caterer, dress, photographer, the whole nine yards. Except for a wedding coordinator. She did all the arrangements herself.
Now, here's where her rant comes in. Because she shouldered all the responsibility for The Wedding, she also had all The Stress. Apparently, people kept telling her, "It'll all be worth it when you walk down the aisle and see your groom's face when he sees you for the first time." So she was seriously looking forward to that. She wanted The Moment That Would Make It Worth It.
She didn't get it. She's somewhat short, so when her aunt and the groom's father were, from what I understand, basically blocking the aisle trying to take pictures of her, she couldn't see her groom until she was practically right next to him. And for her, because she didn't get The Moment, she didn't enjoy The Wedding.
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Okay. Now, for my thoughts.
I didn't have A Wedding. I Got Married. I didn't get "The Moment" she was looking forward to, because for one, there was no aisle. Matt and I got married at a restaurant, where we and the eight people attending had lunch afterwards before Matt and I left for our one-night honeymoon. No catering; we all ordered off the menu. The cake was a simple sheet cake ordered at the grocery store the night before. Since college, I always said I wasn't going to have A Wedding, because of The Stress and The Cost. Because truthfully? While A Wedding might be a nice memory, pretty pictures, and fulfill a deeply-ingrained female need to be a princess for a day, The Wedding isn't what's important. What IS important?
The Marriage.
The years and decades that come AFTER The Wedding. The dress will sit in the back of the closet, most likely never to be worn again. The pictures will fade, the food will be forgotten, but day in, day out, you have your spouse, the tangible evidence of what truly lasts. You have The Marriage.
99% of the time, I don't regret not having A Wedding. When I worked at OfficeMax, and stressed-out brides, grooms, parents of the brides, etc, would come in, freaking out about invitations, announcements, programs, favors, I would look at them, and feel a renewed sense of thankfulness that Matt and I just Got Married. No worrying about colors, finicky paper sizes, ribbons, drilling, all that jazz. My invites were a grand total of two phone calls. I found my dress in a consignment store three days before the ceremony for $30. We paid the judge $50. Matt bought a tuxedo at Value City for $70 (and yes, he's worn it again, on the cruise we took last year).
You want to know the only thing I regret about not having A Wedding? I didn't get the chance to create a registry or have a "real" bridal shower. We got engaged in July 2004 and married in September 2004. Not long after I told my mother I was getting married, she organized a "card shower." So, almost all of our wedding "gifts" were money and gift cards. It turned out to be beneficial, keeping us fed the two months we were out of work in NC, but still, it would have been nice to play with the scan gun and create a list of things we truly wanted or needed. I didn't have any close female friends in Youngstown to throw me a "real" shower. Maybe that sounds a little...I can't get the word, capitalistic isn't really the one I want. But it's more than "I wanted stuff, dangit!" It's more, "I wanted the time and thought put into a gift," rather than "Here's fifty bucks on a WalMart card." And I feel guilty for wanting that, because as I mentioned, those WalMart gift cards kept us in groceries the two months it took for us to find work.
sapphirerose24, got married this past weekend. Because of plane fare, hotel fare, car fare and gas costs, I couldn't afford to go back to Ohio to see her get married. She posted pictures, and later sent me a small rant.You see, she didn't just get married. She had A Wedding. Yes, A Wedding, capitalized. Venue, caterer, dress, photographer, the whole nine yards. Except for a wedding coordinator. She did all the arrangements herself.
Now, here's where her rant comes in. Because she shouldered all the responsibility for The Wedding, she also had all The Stress. Apparently, people kept telling her, "It'll all be worth it when you walk down the aisle and see your groom's face when he sees you for the first time." So she was seriously looking forward to that. She wanted The Moment That Would Make It Worth It.
She didn't get it. She's somewhat short, so when her aunt and the groom's father were, from what I understand, basically blocking the aisle trying to take pictures of her, she couldn't see her groom until she was practically right next to him. And for her, because she didn't get The Moment, she didn't enjoy The Wedding.
-------------------------------------------
Okay. Now, for my thoughts.
I didn't have A Wedding. I Got Married. I didn't get "The Moment" she was looking forward to, because for one, there was no aisle. Matt and I got married at a restaurant, where we and the eight people attending had lunch afterwards before Matt and I left for our one-night honeymoon. No catering; we all ordered off the menu. The cake was a simple sheet cake ordered at the grocery store the night before. Since college, I always said I wasn't going to have A Wedding, because of The Stress and The Cost. Because truthfully? While A Wedding might be a nice memory, pretty pictures, and fulfill a deeply-ingrained female need to be a princess for a day, The Wedding isn't what's important. What IS important?
The Marriage.
The years and decades that come AFTER The Wedding. The dress will sit in the back of the closet, most likely never to be worn again. The pictures will fade, the food will be forgotten, but day in, day out, you have your spouse, the tangible evidence of what truly lasts. You have The Marriage.
99% of the time, I don't regret not having A Wedding. When I worked at OfficeMax, and stressed-out brides, grooms, parents of the brides, etc, would come in, freaking out about invitations, announcements, programs, favors, I would look at them, and feel a renewed sense of thankfulness that Matt and I just Got Married. No worrying about colors, finicky paper sizes, ribbons, drilling, all that jazz. My invites were a grand total of two phone calls. I found my dress in a consignment store three days before the ceremony for $30. We paid the judge $50. Matt bought a tuxedo at Value City for $70 (and yes, he's worn it again, on the cruise we took last year).
You want to know the only thing I regret about not having A Wedding? I didn't get the chance to create a registry or have a "real" bridal shower. We got engaged in July 2004 and married in September 2004. Not long after I told my mother I was getting married, she organized a "card shower." So, almost all of our wedding "gifts" were money and gift cards. It turned out to be beneficial, keeping us fed the two months we were out of work in NC, but still, it would have been nice to play with the scan gun and create a list of things we truly wanted or needed. I didn't have any close female friends in Youngstown to throw me a "real" shower. Maybe that sounds a little...I can't get the word, capitalistic isn't really the one I want. But it's more than "I wanted stuff, dangit!" It's more, "I wanted the time and thought put into a gift," rather than "Here's fifty bucks on a WalMart card." And I feel guilty for wanting that, because as I mentioned, those WalMart gift cards kept us in groceries the two months it took for us to find work.
