Am I crazy?

[sailorzeo]

I already know the answer to that. I'm pretty sure the answer is yes, and not in a good way.

Today, Matt and I were going to meeting at the Kingdom Hall. I was more or less fine until we stepped out the door to go. Then I started getting anxious, and the closer we got to the Hall, the worse I got. In the parking lot, I couldn't even make myself open the car door. I was paralyzed with fear at the thought of going inside that building. I couldn't do it. I was almost in tears because I was terrified of going inside the Hall. Matt said it was okay, that I could stay in the car. He left the keys. Not even five minutes after he went inside, I had to get away from the building. Climbed over the center console into the driver's seat and tore out of there, coming home.

I'm still shaky and queasy. I know nothing in there will hurt me, that the people there care about me and are concerned about me, but I just could NOT go inside today. It felt so totally wrong today.

They just redecorated, and I'm wondering if that's part of the problem. The Hall doesn't look the same. It feels colder now, with the beige paint instead of the pink/maroon wallpaper.

When I get insurance again (grr on the switching jobs and having to wait three months), I need to see a psychiatrist or a psychologust, someone who can figure out what is wrong with my head and make it better. I don't like living life feeling like River Tam.

Comments

[alessar.livejournal.com]

Well, a panic attack like that is serious, and I think it's good you are going to seek some professional help. Do not second guess yourself on that. There are many possible causes and many possible treatments and it's better taken up with a real professional.