Last night...
Mar. 25th, 2005 11:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sailorzeoWell, we were both convinced the Memorial started at 7:30. We were both wrong. It started at 7, so we missed about half an hour of the service. Then, we were going to meet people at our place and follow them to where the gathering was. We got lost. Matt decided to take surface roads instead of freeway, so we went way out of our way. Still got there before the couple we were following, though.
We got to the house where the gathering was. I was still failry excited about this. Then we went inside.
Oh, no. Waaay too many people, waaaaay too loud, too much crowd noise. I started to get queasy and had to almost run outside, back to the Jeep.
As I sat there, looking up at the full moon and stars, I thought about how easy it would be to slip back into old routines, to beseech the goddess rather than praying to Jehovah for strength. I made a conscious effort to direct my prayers to Jehovah, instead.
A lot of times, I feel like I'm letting Matt down because of my dislike of crowds. It's like, we can't go to parties because I freak out and have to leave. I don't know what it is, but I'm not comfortable around more than 10 people. Tuesday night book study hurts me, because it's about 20 people in a tiny room. I prefer Saturday morning book study because it's at the Kingdom Hall, and therefore people can spread out a little more.
Some days I just want to stay inside my nice safe apartment. Sigh.
We got to the house where the gathering was. I was still failry excited about this. Then we went inside.
Oh, no. Waaay too many people, waaaaay too loud, too much crowd noise. I started to get queasy and had to almost run outside, back to the Jeep.
As I sat there, looking up at the full moon and stars, I thought about how easy it would be to slip back into old routines, to beseech the goddess rather than praying to Jehovah for strength. I made a conscious effort to direct my prayers to Jehovah, instead.
A lot of times, I feel like I'm letting Matt down because of my dislike of crowds. It's like, we can't go to parties because I freak out and have to leave. I don't know what it is, but I'm not comfortable around more than 10 people. Tuesday night book study hurts me, because it's about 20 people in a tiny room. I prefer Saturday morning book study because it's at the Kingdom Hall, and therefore people can spread out a little more.
Some days I just want to stay inside my nice safe apartment. Sigh.
